I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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