i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
