I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
