There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just sucked dick on a ferry
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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