I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
