I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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