I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
