going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
