I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
These tits shall not be calmed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
