He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize