He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize