people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
