i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's never too late to be topless.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
