dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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