i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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