My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
