a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pants are for mortals
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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