Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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