If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize