Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
