It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
