you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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