it hurts more in the daytime
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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