my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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