you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
