I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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