why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
