the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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