How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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