im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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