We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
