I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
