i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
