Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
