i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
