I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
