the day after is always just damage control
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
