you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
