Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
