You work out of a Hotel?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
