it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
