he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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