She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
