Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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