ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
