the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
