Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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