Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
