He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
