well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
