Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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