She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
