I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
