I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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