what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
