Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize