So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
