the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
