She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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