It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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