this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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