All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
