Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I puked a lego.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
