Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
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I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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