A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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