oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Everyone says I win the strip club
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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