Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
