I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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