after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize