Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
