Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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