My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize