You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
