It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
