It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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