I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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