She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
