Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
