Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize