Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
