Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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