Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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