If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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