Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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