u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
