if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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