see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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