I hate your face
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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