so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
