I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
