she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
