Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My bed smells like the plague
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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