she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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