Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
