You can't motorboat a personality
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
