sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
