i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
