please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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