i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
