I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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