Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
