a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
