I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
