Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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