Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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