I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
