don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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