I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
