I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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