the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
