What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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