I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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